the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
