My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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