i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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