Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
