i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
