New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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