Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dear god my vagina.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
