Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
