i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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