the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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