i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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