Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
