I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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