Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
