wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
