i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
