1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
