when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
