It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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