we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
