Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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