On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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