one two three fourrrrnication!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
