Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
