So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
