i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
