I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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