the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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