im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
