i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
