my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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