I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
