I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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