I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
