did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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