I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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