This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
