Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
