i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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