there's paper in my vomit.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
