@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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