I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
