you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
