It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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