So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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