is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
