dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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