Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
