So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
