I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
