It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
