You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
