I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
