Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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